Category Archives: Divorce and Separation

Your Style of Communication is the Best Predictor of Whether Your Marriage Will End in Divorce

June 10, 2013 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

Divorce is Not Your Only Option

My fascination for learning as much as I can about the psychological aspects of why people divorce has shaped my professional career. On a more personal level, I have more insight as to why people divorce and how to stop a potential divorce from occurring. Some of my favorite relationship experts include Harville Hendrix, Susan Anderson, Pia Mellody and John Gottman. Based on my professional experience, I think many clients could have avoided divorce, but instead, they give up on professional marriage counseling or refuse to attend, and instead, they see me to help them navigate the legal process of separation and divorce.

Stop Your Divorce by Learning How to Communicate (Effectively)

Your style of communication is the best predictor of whether your marriage will end in divorce. Stop your divorce by learning how to communicate. In this blog, I’m covering the number one reason people divorce: communication meltdown.

The Divorce “Whisperer”: Dr. John Gottman

My all-time favorite expert on marriage, divorce and problems with communication is John Gottman. Dr. Gottman has been the leading expert in this field for many decades. In fact, he came up with the famous “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” principle. According to Dr. Gottman, there are four communication “types” that better predict the chances of divorce, than any other factor. In his famous study conducted in 1992, Dr. Gottman accurately predicted the rate of divorce in couples he was studying using the Four Horsemen model 94% of the time.

So, which communication types are more likely to lead to divorce? Put another way, to stop your divorce or to divorce-proof your marriage, make sure you don’t fit in one of these categories:

Dr. Gottman: The Four Horsemen (or bad ways to communicate)

1. Critical communicators: Do you have a tendency to attack your spouses personality, instead of narrowing in on what is making you upset? For example, if your husband forgets your anniversary, are you more likely to say, “You’re such a selfish person. I can’t believe you forgot our anniversary?” Or, would you more likely confront your spouse with the following statement: “I’m really hurt that you forgot our anniversary?” If you attack your husband’s personality or character traits, you may be more likely to divorce.

2. Communication by contempt: This style of communication is similar to that used by a critical communicator, but it’s more insidious, mostly non-verbal. Examples include communication by eye-rolling or by snickering at your spouse when you’re upset. When you communicate in this form, your spouse can feel nothing but disrespected. Can you see why? Imagine your spouse telling you that you forgetting an anniversary makes her feel ignored or unimportant. If you disagree, and you mutter, “Whatever,” that is an obvious sign of disrespect and invalidation of your spouse’s feelings.

3. Defensive communication: Personally, I think we’re all guilty of this style of communication to some degree, but I guess it’s the level of defensiveness that sets us apart from being a true defensive communicator. Do you routinely deny responsibility and blame your spouse for your behavior? If so, I suggest changing your method of communication.

4. Stonewallers: Stonewalling and ignoring go hand-in-hand. Men, according to Gottman, are more likely to stonewall, than women. Although we may all be guilty of stonewalling, it becomes a problem if you use it regularly. A person who stonewalls is someone who refuses to acknowledge someone by ignoring him/her or refusing to interact/respond. If your wife says, “I wish you would compliment me more because I wonder if you really find me attractive,” do you respond by saying, “I do find you attractive, and I will try harder to make you know this?” Or, do you respond to your wife with nothing but a blank stare?

The good news is that you can divorce-proof your marriage if you adopt a healthy style of communication. If your method of communication can be described as stonewalling, contemptuous, defensive, or critical, then according to Dr. Gottman, you are probably headed for divorce.

If you’re looking for an experienced Virginia family law attorney or divorce lawyer, contact Keithley Law, PLLC today by calling (703) 865-7710 and schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office.

Legal Disclaimer: Do not rely on this site for legal advice. The information provided on “Keithleylaw.com” is strictly for educational and advertising purposes and to provide you with general information. Since state laws are subject to change, please schedule an appointment with our office to further discuss your personal situation. This public information is neither intended to, nor will, create an attorney-client relationship.

photo credit: (http://www.flickr.com/photos/yourdon/2573762303/)

Divorce and Separation, Probate Law

Probate Law and Family Law Lessons to Learn from Anna Nicole Smith

June 5, 2013 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

The Anna Nicole Smith Legacy

Dannielynn, the daughter of late Playboy model, actress and television personality Anna Nicole Smith, could be awarded as much as $49 million in sanctions per court orders from the estate of E. Pierce Marshall, the son of Anna Nicole’s late-husband J. Howard Marshall.

Will Challenge

For over a decade, Smith attempted to recover hundreds of millions of dollars from the estate of her deceased husband, who was 90 years old at the time he married 26 year old Smith; and died one year later without including her in his will or trust.
Smith challenged the will, claiming Marshall had promised to leave her more than $300 million in addition to cash and gifts she received during their brief marriage. A bankruptcy judge in California originally decided in her favor, awarding her $475 million from Marshall’s estate, with a federal judge reducing that amount to $89 million in 2002. Now, a California federal judge has ordered Marshall’s estate to “pay sanctions over ‘massive discovery abuse’ in the legal battle against his stepmother, Smith, which will ultimately fall into the hands of Smith’s heir, Dannielynn.

Virginia Marital Property and Virginia Probate Law

Under Virginia probate law, a spouse is legally entitled to inherit the estate of his or her partner immediately upon marriage, with certain exceptions, such as prenuptial agreements and property settlement agreements or PSAs, wherein couples establish their legal rights and obligations.
When any person having title to any real estate dies intestate, the real estate passes to the surviving spouse of the intestate. If the intestate is survived by children or grandchildren of a previous relationship who are not related by blood to the surviving spouse, two-thirds of the estate pass to all the intestate’s children and grandchildren, and the spouse gets the last third. However, if the property was originally an inheritance from the deceased’s family, then it passes directly to the children and grandchildren. Sound confusing?

What You Can Do Now to Avoid Will Contests Later

Here is how you can prevent leaving a mess for your loved ones:

1. Draft a will or trust that outlines who will inherit legal title to your real estate and personal property;

2. Sell your house…to yourself and those whom you wish to inherit it. A deed of gift or gift deed is a popular tool for transferring legal ownership and rights to specific property between relatives (though not exclusively). If you want your children to inherit your property after you pass without worrying about wills, testacy and family battles, deed the property to you and your children as joint tenants with the right of survivorship.
The right of survivorship means that when two or more people own property, upon the death of one of the owners, the property remains in the hands of the surviving owners or successors who assert the right of survivorship. The right of survivorship takes precedence over other claims to the property. It is the royal flush of ownership claims, and is the best way to ensure that your property is going to the right people.

photo credit: (http://www.flickr.com/photos/ken_mayer/5599532152/lightbox/)

Divorce and Separation

Divorcing a Narcissist

June 4, 2013 Keithley Law, PLLC 3 Comments

Should I Divorce My Narcissistic Spouse?

Whether or not to divorce is a personal decision that should only be reached after careful consideration. Sometimes, divorce is the only viable option to escape a toxic relationship. If you’re married to a narcissist, you’re probably in a toxic relationship and without treatment, a narcissist will never be able to meet your needs, since he/she is too preoccupied with meeting his/own needs. Quite often, a narcissist will deny having any personality problems, and the narcissist-spouse may even blame you, become overly angry or rage at any suggestions of such. In many cases, divorce may be necessary.

Famous Narcissists and Greek Mythology

Narcissus was a mythological Greek character who fell in love with his own image. After discovering his own image was not really another person, this Greek myth tells us that he dies from deep sorrow and grief because his image did not belong to another person. He fell in love with himself. In the late-60’s, a psychiatrist coined the term “narcissism” to describe someone with a clinical personality disorder where delusions of grandeur were prevalent. Famous people with narcissism include OJ Simpson, Paris Hilton and Alec Baldwin. Historical, narcissistic figures includes Nero, Hitler and Machiavelli.

Divorce and Personality Disorders

Personality disorders seem to be responsible for many divorces. It’s not unusual for a divorce attorney to hear a client filing for divorce to accuse his/her spouse of some type of personality or mental health disorder. Only a small percentage of people suffer from actual personality disorders, and I truly believe most people can exhibit personality traits commonly recognized in personality disorders without actually suffering from personality disorders or receiving a clinical diagnosis. In my professional experience, the most common personality disorder complained of by divorcing spouses is narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder.

According to the DSM-IV, narcissism is a “Cluster B” personality disorder. Other types of “Cluster B” personality disorders are those suffering from antisocial behaviors, borderline personality disorders, and those with histrionic tendencies (extreme exaggeration and overreaction to common events). Narcissists behave differently than others. Common characteristics and symptoms of narcissists, as reported by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), include having an obsession with self, exaggeration of talents, self-important feelings, expectations that others should treat them with respect and favoritism, disregarding others’ feelings, lack of empathy, preoccupation with power and success, and overreacting or reacting poorly to criticism.

Married to a Narcissist

Do you believe you’re married to a narcissist who will never seek professional help for the serious underlying personality disorder? Make sure you put your own safety and your children’s safety first. Get professional help for yourselves and involve law enforcement, if necessary. If divorce is imminent or necessary, make sure you speak with an experienced divorce attorney or divorce lawyer.

photo credit: (http://www.flickr.com/photos/hills_alive/6174305913/)

Divorce and Separation

Divorce Without Divorce Court: New Changes in Virginia Law

February 20, 2013 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

While many of us find it amusing to watch bickering couples receive a scolding by entertaining television judges, like Judge Judy, or Judge Toler, on the reality TV show, “Divorce Court,” we would gladly avoid entering this type of courtroom if we find ourselves in the midst of the difficult divorce process.

Fact v. Fiction

Fortunately, courtroom television shows rarely depict the realities of the real courtroom process. However, going to court is very scary for most people, and people in the midst of the emotionally trying divorce process are no exception.

Virginia’s New Bill Helps Some Divorcing Couples Avoid the Courtroom

A new law in Virginia will make it possible for parties to get a divorce without having to attend an extended court hearing. Recently approved by the Virginia General Assembly to amend the existing Virginia Code Section 20-106, the Bill allows some parties to present evidence by providing a written and sworn affidavit or written deposition, instead of having to appear in court.

House Bill 126 will allow a written deposition or affidavit in lieu of an in-person testimony. The Bill, which amends Virginia Code Section 20-106, only applies to uncontested, no-fault divorces. These are divorces based on a six-month or one-year separation period and all issues are uncontested. In some cases, this means that all issues have been resolved by a written property settlement agreement (PSA) or that there are no issues, other than the divorce itself. In other cases, it simply means that the other party has decided not to participate in the divorce and has signed a waiver of service or failed to respond to the divorce complaint.

Before House Bill 126: In-person Testimony Required

Previously, the Plaintiff, the person filing the divorce, in an uncontested, no-fault divorce had to appear in court to provide an in-person testimony verifying the facts in the divorce complaint. The Plaintiff was also required to bring a witness, who was not the adverse party, to corroborate his or her testimony. Through House Bill 126, the legislature is no longer requiring that this testimony be given in front of a Judge. The Plaintiff, and his or her witness, can now provide their testimony without ever setting foot into a courtroom.

How to Avoid Court

The first method is a divorce by deposition (written) which requires the Plaintiff and the corroborating witness to provide their testimony in the presence of a court reporter. The court reporter will prepare a transcript of the testimony which the Plaintiff will then submit to the court, typically through his/her attorney. The second method allows the Plaintiff to provide a written affidavit, which must conform to specific requirements, and the witness simply writes their testimony down and signs it in the presence of a notary. Since Virginia law allows any notary to witness the signature, neither the Plaintiff nor the witness need to be located in Virginia to testify via affidavit.

Both of these techniques will allow you to get a divorce without having to attend a full-fledged hearing so the only Divorce Court you will get to experience will be in the comfort of your own home – watching Judge Toler on television.

CONTACT US TODAY: If you’re looking for a Virginia divorce attorney, contact Keithley Law today by calling (703) 865-7710 and schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office.

(photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jsf539/2638185409/lightbox/)

Divorce and Separation

Changes in Virginia’s Divorce Laws Make it Easier to Divorce an Unresponsive Spouse

February 19, 2013 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

Recent changes in
Virginia law have made it easier to get a divorce when one spouse is
unresponsive or unwilling to proceed with a divorce.

Amended
Virginia Code Section

The General
Assembly amended Virginia Code Section 20-99 to decrease the number of
service attempts for giving notice to an unresponsive spouse. (See House Bill 104 and Senate Bill 60 for text of the amendment).

First
Steps in Filing Divorce Papers: Waiting 21 Days

The first step in
filing for divorce is to file a divorce complaint with the appropriate circuit
court and have it served on your spouse, the Defendant in this matter. Virginia
law has always required proper service of the initial divorce complaint on the
Defendant, by any of the methods prescribed in Section 8.01-296 by any person authorized to
serve process under Section 8.01-293. The Plaintiff-Spouse must then
wait 21 days for the Defendant to file an answer or otherwise appear before the
court. If the Defendant has not responded during that time-period, depending on
your local circuit court’s rules, the next step would be to set a time for
depositions or to request entry of the Final Decree of Divorce by the
court.

Easier
Service Requirements

Under the old law,
you would have to notice the Defendant of the time for depositions or entry of
the divorce decree by properly serving them again, as required by the Code. This
notice requirement also allowed Defendant a second chance to respond and potentially
contest the divorce. The new law, however, removes this notice requirement
therefore making it easier for you to proceed with the divorce on your own. The
amendment to Section 20-99 of the Virginia Code states that
where a Defendant was properly served with the divorce complaint and has failed to answer
within the time allotted by law, no further notice to the Defendant is
required. In other words, you can proceed with divorce by deposition or by
requesting entry of the Final Divorce Decree and an Ore Tenus Hearing, neither
of which requires consent by your spouse.

The change in law
should lead to a slightly expedited divorce for the filing spouse.

Contact Us Today: If you’re looking for a Virginia divorce attorney, contact Keithley Law today by calling (703) 865-7710 and schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office.

(photo: www.flickr.com/photos/umjanedoan/496656416/lightbox/)

Divorce and Separation

Six Tips to Dating After Divorce

January 17, 2013 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

After all of the divorce drama clears, the litigation ends and you’ve healed your emotional, divorce battle wounds, you may actually look forward to dating. Many recently divorced singles swear off dating, but in my experience, this mentality never lasts, and it’s rarely emotionally healthy. Just because you’re divorced does not mean you’re no longer desirable and fun.

Be safe about dating. Most likely, you haven’t been in the dating world for quite some time, and many things have changed, including the ability to meet other singles over the Internet. If you’re like some divorced singles, you may have never really dated before or it’s been so long that you’re scared to begin dating again. Not only is dating a normal part of life, it’s a necessary part, too. You probably have many different feelings about dating post-divorce. Life after divorce for divorced singles can be fun, intimidating, exciting and emotionally turbulent — all at the same time.

Six Tips to Dating After Divorce

1. Do not start dating until after you’re divorced. Post-separation dating is never a good idea and can work against you, especially if you have kids. Don’t risk angering your spouse, alienating your friends and children and risk reducing your divorce property distribution and visitation rights by dating before you obtain your final divorce decree.

Another reason to begin dating AFTER your divorce is that you’re probably not emotionally ready to begin dating, even if you were the one who initiated the divorce (a.k.a., “the leaver”). It’s not fair to yourself, your spouse, your children and your new partner to begin dating if you’re not emotionally ready and before you obtain your divorce decree.

In Virginia, most often, you need to live separate and apart for at least six months (no children) to one-year (children) before filing for divorce. The mandatory separation period not only makes legal sense but emotional sense, since most experts recommend waiting at least one-year to begin dating, and the year period begins after divorce.

2. Keep your children separate from your dating life. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s a rule that many single parents don’t follow, especially, those who rush into dating or those with limited means and can’t find babysitters and primary custodians. Typically, you should only introduce your new partner to your children if you’re fairly certain the relationship is serious, you’ve had several dates and have discussed the future, and you do so in an age-appropriate manner.

3. Similar to Tip Number 2, above, is this one: Schedule your dating around your custodial and visitation schedule. Go on dates while your former spouse is exercising his/her visitation time with your child(ren).

4. Be safe! Don’t give your address out to people you haven’t met. If this is a blind date, meet at a popular restaurant or other well-traveled venue. Resist your carnal urges and avoid the temptation to sleeping with your date early on. It’s always better to establish trust, get to know one another and do it when you’re ready. Maybe not drinking too much is key.

5. Avoid pissing your former spouse off. If you flaunt your new single status around, you may find yourself in court again for post-decree divorce litigation; doing it before divorce is a surefire way of pissing off your spouse (and maybe, the courts). Exercising sound discretion, humility and compassion is key.

6. Think twice before changing your status on Facebook, Twitter or other social media sites. Do you really want judges, lawyers, your spouse or former spouse and your new friends to have access to your private dating life?

If you’re looking for a Virginia divorce attorney, contact Keithley Law today by calling (703) 225-3440 and schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office.

(photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/alville/4514164272/)

Divorce and Separation

Is January the Busiest Month for Divorce Attorneys?

December 17, 2012 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

Attorneys who practice family law may refer to January as “divorce month.” Based on my experience, more people decide to divorce in January than any other month during the year. Divorcing during the holidays is a prevalent theme for many divorce attorneys.

Holiday Divorce Reflections and Time for Introspection

I have a few theories as to why more spouses decide to call in quits in January, as opposed to March, May or any other month. I believe that the holiday season makes all of us take a good look at ourselves, and we spend more time being introspective. As humans, we believe that holidays should be full of merriment, bliss and happiness, and when we feel sadness, angst and generally, uneasy, we question why we feel this way, especially when others seem to be so happy during the holidays.

Some Theories as to Why More People Separate/Divorce During the Holidays.

1. Delaying the Inevitable to Save Christmas

In speaking with friends and clients, it seems that many unhappy spouses seem to come to the realization that they are heading for divorce somewhere around Thanksgiving. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, the decision to divorce solidifies, and to soften the blow to the other (usually unsuspecting) spouse, the leaver (the one who wants the divorce more than the other) decides to wait until after the holiday season. This seems especially true when there are children involved. Parents don’t want their children to associate future Christmas holidays with the date their parents divorced.

2. Fiscal Timing

Some attorneys speculate that more people file for divorce in January because they’re concerned about taxes and filing jointly, since December 31 marks the official date of the last day of taxes for the previous year. Maybe, but I doubt it, especially since the IRS has specific rules regarding filing jointly and separately for divorced spouses.

3. New Year’s Resolutions

January is the beginning of a new year. For many of us, it means setting new goals and resolutions. For unhappy spouses, it may mean taking stock of what was not so great about the previous year and setting goals to change things, including marital status, for the upcoming year. High-conflict marriages seem to unravel completely during the holidays as tensions rise.

If you decided to separate or divorce in January, what were your reasons for doing so?

Contact Us Today

If you’re looking for a Virginia divorce attorney, contact Keithley Law, PLLC today to schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office.

Call Keithley Law, PLLC today at (703) 865-7710 for a free case evaluation.

Legal Disclaimer: Do not rely on this site for legal advice. The information provided on “Keithleylaw.com” is strictly for educational purposes and to provide you with general educational information about Virginia laws. Since state laws are subject to change, please schedule an appointment with our office to further discuss your personal situation. This public information is neither intended to, nor will, create an attorney-client relationship.

(photo: www.flickr.com/photos/danmoyle/6601589893/lightbox/)

Divorce and Separation

Avoiding Baby Mama or Papa Drama by Allowing Visitation

December 17, 2012 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

We receive at least one or two calls every month from distressed mothers and fathers dealing with their ex-significant others. Typically, the caller asks the following question, “Do I have to allow visitation when my ex (typically dad) doesn’t pay child support?” Our answer is always the same: “YES!” All parents have legal rights to visitation unless they have none pursuant to court order or termination of parental rights. In Virginia, like almost every other jurisdiction, you cannot withhold visitation simply based on the fact that your ex is no longer paying child support.

Rule to Show Cause for Nonpayment of Child Support

Instead, you need to pursue contempt of court proceedings. Most likely, it will be in the form of a “Rule to Show Cause” or “RTSC” action. By filing a rule to show cause, you’re asking your ex to provide a valid reason as to why he or she should not be found in contempt of court. Again, you can’t withhold visitation as punishment against your ex for not paying child support. Any attempt to withhold visitation or limit your ex’s visitation rights is illegal without a binding court order stating otherwise.

Do Not Withhold Visitation as Punishment for Nonpayment of Child Support

Any willful attempt to withhold or prevent your child’s mother or father from visitation is punishable by sanctions or even jail time. If your ex files a show cause against you for failing to allow visitation pursuant to an existing court order, you may be in big trouble if you don’t have a valid defense or reason as to why you withheld visitation in the first place. “Because he didn’t pay child support last month” is NOT a valid reason or defense to withholding visitation. If you rely on this as your defense, you may face serious consequences, including paying his attorney’s fees and court costs. You may even have to provide a lot more visitation time to make up for his lost visitation.

Remedies for Nonpayment of Child Support

So what is a parent to do when the other parent refuses to pay court-ordered child support? Being a single mom or dad is difficult, even without all of the financial dilemmas. If your ex doesn’t pay child support, you can file a rule to show cause against him (or her). Again, the consequences include jail time, attorney’s fees and/or other penalties. Other penalties include loss of occupational licenses, driver’s licenses, refusal to renew passports, garnishments and a host of other enforcement tools.
Conversely, if your ex withholds visitation from you, you can’t unilaterally retaliate by refusing to pay child support. These things are not contingent upon each other. Your attorney may be able to help you reduce your future monthly child support obligation, but this has to be done by consent order or through court.

For free information regarding child support and visitation, you can visit the U.S. Department of Health to view a free Fact Sheet here. The American Bar Association also has a free public education guide titled “Issues Surrounding Visitation.” For free Virginia divorce law information, you’ll find a lot of very useful information at the Family Law Section of the Virginia State Bar’s website.

Contact Us Today

If you’re looking for a Virginia divorce attorney, contact Keithley Law today by calling (703) 225-3440 and schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office.

(photo: www.flickr.com/photos/methodshop/5288565503/lightbox//

Divorce and Separation

A Difficult Marriage is Often Better Than Divorce

August 7, 2012 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

Recently, I came across a very interesting study that reported
most people who ultimately decided to divorce reported that they were
“happy” with their marriages in the five years leading up to their
divorces.

Divorce Doesn’t Always Mean Years of Unhappiness

Many of us mistakenly believe that people who ultimately divorce
have been unhappy for quite some time before making the decision to divorce.
According to this “Washington Post” article written by William J. Doherty
and Leah Ward Sears, most divorces happen to couples who are mostly content and
could possibly work harder to save their marriages. Should we do more as divorce
lawyers to encourage our clients to use their waiting periods before filing for
divorce to work harder on reconciliation? The article further states that in
most non-abusive marriages, the decision to divorce has the greatest potential
to harm the children involved.

You are Responsible for Your Marital Bliss

We are a society that wants things immediately. We want instant
gratification, and we want the feelings that bring us discomfort to end as
quickly as possible. We blame others for our unhappiness, and we mistakenly
believe that our partners are responsible for our happiness or unhappiness.

The Importance of Divorce Waiting Periods

Although most states implement a mandatory waiting period before
allowing couples to divorce, the waiting periods are not extensive. In fact,
most states impose a waiting period of six months or less. Virginia’s one-year
waiting period should become the model for other states. In Virginia, you need
to wait at least a year before you can ask for a final divorce, unless you have
no children and have a property settlement agreement. In this case, you only
need to remain separate and apart from your spouse for six months.

Consider
Reconciliation During the One-Year Waiting Period in Virginia

However, although the one-year waiting period in Virginia serves
as a “cooling-off” period where spouses have time to seriously
consider whether or not they want to divorce, as family law attorneys, we can
do more to help our clients seriously consider reconciliation as an option.
Virginia family law attorneys can help their clients consider reconciliation as
a serious option by recommending couples’ therapy. In contrast to “divorce
therapy,” couples’ therapists help couples look at fixing their marriages,
instead of looking at divorce as the ultimate solution.

Divorced, Still Depressed and Even Unhappier

Many studies, including the study by the University of Chicago’s
Linda Waite, lead us to conclude that most divorced individuals reported being
unhappy even after they divorced. In Waite’s “Does Divorce Make People Happy?” study, subjects
reported that divorcing did not help them find happiness. Divorced spouses
drank more than their married counterparts did, and they reported lower levels
of self-esteem and higher levels of depression.

Unhappy Couples Can Find Happiness in Working on Their Marriages

What’s even more astounding and surprising is that these
researchers found that most couples who reported being “very unhappy”
at the time of their study reported being “very happy” five years
later after staying married. Couples who work through their problems, instead
of resorting to divorce, may build stronger marriages by developing their
communication skills and learning to live harmoniously with one another.

Shameless Self-Promotion: If you’re looking for a Virginia family law attorney, contact Keithley Law.

Call Keithley Law, PLLC today at (703) 865-7710 for a free case evaluation.

(photo:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburt/276139661/lightbox/)

Legal Disclaimer: The information provided on “Keithleylaw.com” is strictly for educational purposes and to provide you with general educational information about Virginia laws. Since state laws are subject to change, please schedule an appointment with our office to further discuss your personal situation. This public information is neither intended to, nor will, create an attorney-client relationship.

Divorce and Separation

Divorce in Virginia v. Divorce in Other States: Part II

August 7, 2012 Keithley Law, PLLC Leave a comment

In my first blog entry of this series, “Divorce in Virginia v. Divorce in Other States: Part I,” I introduced you to the American Bar Association’s article in its Family Law Quarterly, which provides a state-by-state comparison on the divorce and custody laws between states. I covered how Virginia compared to other states when courts calculate alimony or spousal support and child support.

In this blog, we’ll discuss how Virginia compares to other states when establishing parental custody.

Best Interests of the Child

If you and your ex-spouse or ex-girlfriend/boyfriend cannot agree upon visitation and custody, you will have to request a judicial determination. In other words, a Virginia Circuit Court or Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court (JDR) judge will make custody and visitation determinations according to the best interests of the child or children.

The majority of states, with the exception of a few, including Maryland and Massachusetts, use statutory guidelines or factors to determine what type of visitation or custody arrangement would be in your minor child’s best interests. In Virginia, Section 20-124.2 and Section 20-124.3 of the Virginia Code set forth the statutory factors courts used to establish the best interests of the child determination.

Child’s Wishes

Frequently, there are cases when one parent states that his or her child prefers living with him/her than his/her mother/father. Do courts in Virginia consider the child’s wishes? Virginia law allows courts to take a child’s wishes into account, but generally, the older a child, the greater the chances that a judge will consider his or her preference.

In most other states, courts will consider a child’s preference or wishes when making a custody or visitation determination. However, in a few states, courts will only consider a child’s wishes at a certain age.

In Virginia, there is no statutory minimum age at which courts take a child’s best wishes or preferences into account. Thus, courts may take a child’s best wishes into account but only on a case-by-case basis.

Joint Custody Preference or Presumption

In some states, including Tennessee and Texas, courts prefer joint custody and visitation arrangements. Thus, in these states, unless one parent can demonstrate that a joint custody and visitation arrangement is not in the best interests of the child, a court is likely to award joint visitation and custody. In my opinion, this is a great rule.

In Virginia, there is no statutory presumption in favor of joint custody. As such, a parent has to ask for joint physical or legal custody. In my experience, it’s common for parents to share joint legal custody, but primary physical custody is awarded to only one parent, while the other can exercise visitation.

In the next few blogs, I plan to cover the differences in the divorce residency requirements in other states and the differences in property division awards during divorce compared to Virginia.

Shameless
Self-Promotion: If you’re looking for
a Virginia divorce attorney, contact Keithley Law today by calling (703)
225-3440 and schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office.

(photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/foreverphoto/290394222/lightbox/)

Legal
Disclaimer: The information provided on
“Keithleylaw.com” is strictly for educational purposes and to provide you with
general educational information about Virginia laws. Since state laws are
subject to change, please schedule an appointment with our office to further
discuss your personal situation. This public information is neither intended
to, nor will, create an attorney-client relationship.

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